I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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