thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
