the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
