Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
