i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
