Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I faked an abortion last night.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
