It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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