Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
are you so shy because you have an std?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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