I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
