My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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