you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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