Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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