haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't turn off my feet"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away