IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.