She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.