Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone