Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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