So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday