I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Don't EVER smell your tampon
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober