Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
