About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?