Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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