Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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