Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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