I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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