Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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