The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize