I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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