We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
