She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
