My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
