he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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