im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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