Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
