I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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