I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
