Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
