ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
