Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
