Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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