And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
