you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
