Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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