enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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