It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
