I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
