me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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