I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
