Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize