it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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