Cold hands, warm shart.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize