The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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