Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
