i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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