She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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