I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My ass is underappreciated
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
