whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
