Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
there is glitter all over my balls
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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