if you like me you must not know who I am
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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