Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
