FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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