yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
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Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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