Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
