I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you never un-have a 4some
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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