it was like eating out sand paper
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Randomize
