drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
