I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
