I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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