After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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