Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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