ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
two words: eviction party
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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