you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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