you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
