My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
that is very illegal...i love you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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