I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
