Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
