Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
