i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
