I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
