I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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