After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
