girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
