Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
