I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
