I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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