I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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