fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
