he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
