he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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