you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
