your room smells of hookers.
And success
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
