Define "chronic" masturbator.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
