I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
