It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
