my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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