there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
